I was asked a little while ago to talk about some of the things that inspire me, my art, and my writing. I was actually planning to start doing so, but then a major moment in the #BlackLivesMatter movement occurred and allyship took the center stage in my life and, therefore, on my blog. As a result, I’m only just now finding my balance between “activism” and my creative/career/educational pursuits.
Furthermore, the past two weeks or so have been the longest I’ve gone without writing or making any art in some time now; 2020 finally got to my creativity, and it’s been very uncomfortable for me. Even reading has become a little bit of a struggle; my brain clearly wants a break from my usual activities, and at some point, I decided to just suck up my pride and listen to it.
Therefore, I went ahead and did what anyone would do: I abandoned hope that I could get my mind into the space it needs to be in for my Master’s thesis right now, and turned to my PS3 in the hopes of launching myself into Skyrim again instead.
Unfortunately, the Universe had other plans for me. I realized quickly I had taken the wrong PS3 when I moved here, and that this one is broken (along with all my hopes and dreams).
My immediate reaction was to “collapse into myself like a dying star” (Jan from The Office is so relatable on just so many levels). Then, after promising the rotting corpse of my PS3 that I would write it the sickest elegy of all time (which I eventually did and may post at some point), I headed over to my laptop and sighed in sad realization of what I was finally about to become: a PC gamer.
Of course, my original plan of action was to purchase Skyrim, download it, and get back to one of the only places that’s ever made sense to me, one of the only places where I’ve ever really and truly felt at home. However, when I reached the Bethesda website, I realized I had an opportunity to try something new without taking a major risk, since whatever I decided to delve into from their website would still be a member of the best gaming family of all.
So, I ended up choosing Elder Scrolls Online…
And my goodness have the past few days been an EXPERIENCE.
Firstly, and just to get this out of the way, yes, playing an MMO version of a Bethesda game is WEIRD. Not do I keep forgetting that Elder Scrolls Online is an MMO and therefore standing just way too close to other players like a total creeper, but it appears I can’t gleefully murder all the townspeople with my warhammer as I was always prone to do in Skyrim for X-Box, and then later on, PS3. This came to me as a major disappointment, but I decided I wouldn’t let it get in my way. Maybe this was the Universe’s way of telling me to do actual quests for once instead of destroying the towns, hopes, dreams, and lives of random people in the game.
This ended up being the correct call for just so many reasons, one of them being the concept, acknowledgment, and regard of and for the “Warrior-Poet.”
Now, as a poet and MMA fighter in a world where I am a very awkward anomaly (at least in this specific context), I feel so understood by Elder Scrolls. I mean, they even have a literal Shrine of the Warrior-Poet!
Furthermore, my friend later informed me that the Warior-Poet was once an actual thing! Should I ever time travel, either with or without the help of my evil, immortal rubber duck, I now know where to find the true kin of my soul. ⚔️
I also assumed I’d meet numerous characters in my quests (since apparently I play by the rules now), but what I never expected was to find my people (elves) along the way.
Exhibit A: Fovus Bethrimo — “Do I look like someone you can speak to? This fan cost me more than your entire outfit.”
Not only does ol’ Fovus here get five fire emojis for via my “badass fire rating” system, but I’m also obsessed with his Blair Waldorf state of mind. He would do very well on the Upper East Side, should he ever decide to partake in high society.
Exhibit B: Uryne Radarys — “I’m not here to entertain the likes of you.”
Badass Fire Rating: 3/5 fire emojis. Please teach me how to say this to people…
Exhibit C: I don’t quite remember her name or if she said anything particularly sassy to me, but she did give me my first quest, force me to get an outfit upgrade, help me to escape from a rather bleak fate, and lead me onto an enticingly dangerous path by demanding I do some rather ~questionable~ things in the eyes of the law (including blowing up a ship with a device my character somehow made herself).
Badass fire rating: 4/5 fire emojis. I hope she’s well, wherever she is now.